How Do You Can Write A Good Condolence Letter??

What is condolence?? Condole: To express sympathy or sorrow; I condoled with him in his loss.The most challenging letter an individual is ever called upon to write is a letter of condolence. How do you convey on paper your message of comfort and compassion?The written word often brings great comfort when an individual is coping with loss.Please find below steps it may help you in writing a good condolence letter.

Before reading further you should see a very good example of condolence letter written by Abraham Lincoln

.When President Abraham Lincoln was informed that Mrs. Lydia Bixby had lost five sons fighting for the Union in the Civil War, he wrote this, perhaps the most famous of all condolence letters.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.
I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the republic they died to save.
I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

                                                                                          Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
                                                                                           A. Lincoln
 

The Steps:

Modify and personalize an existing letter or letters.

Choose a quotation, reading, or historic letter to speak for you, adding a personal note.

You may prefer to express your sympathy through a commercial condolence card or telegram.

Compose an original letter:

Acknowledge the loss. If you have been informed of the death by a source other than the person to whom you are writing, note how you came to learn of the news. Here it is perfectly appropriate to relate one’s shock and dismay at hearing about the loss. This acknowledgment immediately sets clear the purpose and tone of the letter. No matter what the circumstance, it is always advisable in your letter to mention the deceased by name.

Express your sympathy. Express your sorrow sincerely. In sending your words of sympathy, you let the grieving persons know that you care and that, in some way, you relate to the anguish of their loss. Be honest; don’t hesitate to use the word death or note the actual cause of death, even suicide.
If you knew the person who died, which of course is not always the case, by sharing your own sadness you support the bereaved and remind them that they are not completely alone in their suffering.

Note special qualities of the deceased. Take a moment to acknowledge those characteristics you cherished most about the deceased. These may be specific attributes such as a keen wit, generous nature, or love of sports.
They may be personality characteristics, for example, courage, leadership, or decisiveness. They may be ways in which the individual related to the world, as through religious devotion or community service. When you recount such qualities, you help remind the bereaved that their loved one was appreciated by others. If you didn’t know the deceased personally, you may wish to recount qualities you have heard about.

Recount a memory about the deceased. Early in bereavement, memories of the deceased are often temporarily dimmed. This can be frightening for those in grief. Relate a brief, memorable anecdote or two. In the recounting, try to capture what it was about the deceased that evoked your appreciation, affection, or respect. You may wish to say a few words about how he or she touched and influenced your life. And don’t avoid humorous incidents; they can be most appropriate and very gratefully received. Laughter is a great healer.

Note special qualities of the bereaved. The loss of a loved one can be so overwhelming that strong feelings of inadequacy surface and the bereaved may feel shaky about even their most basic abilities. They typically experience at least a transitory impairment in their usual capacity for self-appreciation and self-love. This is a time when even the most courageous individuals will appreciate your reminding them of their personal strengths, especially those qualities that will help them through this period.
These may be traits that you know served them through adversity in the past such as resilience, patience, competence, religious devotion, optimism, or a trusting nature. This can be beautifully amplified if you recall a loving remark about the survivor that was once made by the deceased.

Offer assistance. Many, but not all, sympathy letters include an offer to help. If you sincerely wish to offer your assistance, do so, but if you choose not to, you can still write a beautiful condolence letter. If you decide to offer help, keep in mind that the standard, “Let me know if there is anything I can do,” may put a burden on the grieving individual to ask you for assistance.
Although a general offer to help is not out of line, a more sensitive approach reflecting your sincere desire to be of help is to make a specific offer (doing the grocery shopping, running errands, answering the phone, taking care of the children, helping with correspondence). Those in the numbness of early grief can often scarcely hear the well-meant “Is there anything I can do?” let alone summon up a vision of what actually needs to be done. More suggestions for specific ways to help can be found in Part V. Your caring sentiment and genuine offer to help may be more readily accepted if you are willing to take the initiative. Once having made an offer, be sure to follow through on your promise.

Close with a thoughtful word or phrase. The closing in a letter of condolence can be particularly significant. Let your concluding words reflect the truth of your feelings. Is it “love,” “fondly,” “yours truly,” “sincerely,” or would you prefer to close with a phrase or sentence that reiterates your sympathy? For example:
My affectionate respects to you and yours.
Our love is with you always.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
You know you have my deepest sympathy and my love and
friendship always.
My heart and my tears are with you.
We share in your grief and send you our love.
We offer our affectionate sympathy and many beautiful memories.
My thoughts are with you now, and I send you my deepest sympathy.
We all join in sending you our heartfelt love.

To See More Of Condolence Articles Goto Category: ArtOfCondolence

Source: The Art Of Condolence By Leonard M. Zunin, M.D.,and Hilary Stanton Zunin